My Covid-19 journey

I really wasn’t sure whether to write this blog post or not as it’s not ‘typical’ subject matter for me. You may have noticed that I’ve not been very active on social media recently and there’s a reason for that. I’ve been recovering from what I think has been the Covid-19 virus.

I’m as sure as I possibly can be that I’ve had the virus but unfortunately it’s just not possible to get a test in the current climate, well unless you’re Tom Hanks or Idris Elba, and I’m definitely not.

In any case it’s been an incredibly difficult and emotional couple of weeks and I thought that actually sitting down and writing about what I’ve been through might be helpful, not just for me, but for others too.

On that first Monday evening, which seems like eons ago now, when Boris made his first daily address to the nation I’m sure we all experienced the same kind of emotions. Panic, fear, horror and a sense of ‘Can this really be happening?’. Both my parents are in their 70s and I realised that I probably wasn’t going to be able to see them again for the next three months, or any other members of my family. There were implications for my business, finances and all the other practicalities of our day to day lives that we just take for granted.

Less than 48 hours after Boris made that speech I felt what I can only describe as ‘tickle’ at the back of my throat and I started coughing. Twenty four hours later the cough had progressed rapidly and I had aches and pains all over my body and could barely get out of bed.

It was a strange feeling as part of me kept thinking ‘I’ve probably just got a general virus, there’s no way it can be Covid-19. I mean what are the chances?’. At the same time, and I know it might sound odd to say, but part of me almost felt ‘relieved’. If I did have the virus everything I had actually been worrying about for the last few weeks was now happening so I didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

As the days progressed, so did the cough, and I had an unbelievably sore throat, tiredness and muscle aches on a level that I had never experienced before and I started to have quite severe digestive issues. Up to 50% of Covid-19 patients are experiencing digestive symptoms which was something I hadn’t realised and is definitely worth knowing.

On day seven things really kicked in for me and the fever hit. I was shivering and shaking uncontrollably but burning up at the same time, I couldn’t eat a thing and the fever lasted for about three days straight. I was now also experiencing burning nasal pain and a headache that I’ve never known the like of before, and I speak as someone who’s had their fair share of headaches.

Those were probably the most difficult days of the whole illness. I was struggling to catch my breath and I don’t want to sound melodramatic but there were a couple of points for me when I honestly thought to myself ‘Am I going to get through this?’ and I wasn’t sure what the answer to that question was. I’ve never experienced any kind of breathing problems before and the sensation was pretty scary. Thankfully for me on day thirteen of the illness my fever finally broke and I remember waking up and feeling hungry. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so pleased to be hungry in my entire life.

I’m now on day seventeen since I first started coughing and, whilst I’m still feeling incredibly weak and nowhere near back to my pre-virus self, I feel as though I can confidently say that the worst is behind me and it’s onwards and upwards from here. I feel very thankful to be in a position to say that.

So what’s the point of writing this blog post? How’s it going to help anyone else? The main thing that I’ve taken away from the whole experience is the fact that sometimes the fear of something is actually the worst part. I’m sure I wasn’t alone in feeling a real fear of catching this virus, about whether it would be something I could even survive. The news coverage is full of death tolls and the terrifying realities of what this virus can do. I was paralysed by sheer terror at the thought of it. As it turns out when it’s actually happening to you that fear just seems to vanish. Your worst fear has now become a reality and all  you can focus on is just getting through it, the fear itself is just ‘gone’ somehow.

The other important lesson for me was that dealing with the virus really puts things into perspective. All the worries I had about my business, my finances and all the other practical day to day worries about the impact of Covid-19 simply evaporated. In the face of actually dealing with being ill those things just aren’t important. It sounds quite bold to say I just didn’t care about any of that stuff but I honestly didn’t. Somehow the business will survive, the mortgage will be paid, we’ll find food to eat and I’ll still be writing copy when this is all over. That stuff will just take care of itself. It just doesn’t matter.

I now find myself in the slightly odd situation of feeling pretty confident that I’ve had the virus but not knowing 100% for sure, being stuck in a lockdown that potentially isn’t necessary for me and not knowing what level of immunity I have and how long it may last. I’m sure that there are a lot of people in a similar situation, feeling frustrated at the lack of testing so none of us can be completely sure if we’re now ‘immune’. It’s a huge shame as potentially I could go and visit my parents again and offer them support but I just don’t know if I’m still a ‘risk’ as, without an antibody test, I’m none the wiser. It seems obvious but knowing who has had the virus is one of the only ways that we’re ever going to begin to start getting back to normal again and end the lockdown.

Most of all I just feel thankful. Thankful that I’m getting better. Thankful that the last two weeks are over. Thankful to the NHS for all they’re doing to get us through this crisis and thankful that I’m still standing. I just feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude to the universe in a way that I’ve never really experienced before. When I felt really poorly I was acutely aware of us all being in the same boat and facing down a similar threat. Whether you’re a Prince, the Prime Minister or a copywriter from Chelmsford, this virus really doesn’t care.

One resource that I did find hugely helpful throughout the time I was ill was the C-19 Covid Symptom Tracker. It’s a research project being run by Kings College, London and Guy’s and St Thomas’ Biomedical Research Centre. You can download the app at covid.joinzoe.com and self-report any symptoms daily and it enables the NHS to track the virus and monitor symptoms. I’ve read somewhere that they think potentially 6 million people in the UK have been infected which really does suggest that this virus is already way more active in the community that government figures would suggest.

Speaking as someone who is likely to have had the virus you really don’t want to pass this on to anyone else. I’m a relatively healthy person and it has absolutely floored me so I can only imagine the damage it can do to someone in the vulnerable category. You may think that you’re feeling fine and don’t need to worry but any trip you make that isn’t essential could end up costing someone else their life. No-one wants that on their conscience.